Thursday, November 29, 2012

Can't study? Here's why

Can't study? Me too. Let us take a minute to examine the exact underlying causes for this inexplicable disposition. I mean it could not possibly be because we are lazy procrastinators with a Facebook/Twitter/Reddit/Tumblr addiction... NO, NEVER, PERISH THE THOUGHT. :3

If you start to become hysterical in the defense of your work ethic, you, my friend, have a problem. I also have a problem. Besides the random mood swings, the attention span of a squirrel on cocaine and a tendency to start new TV show series a week before my finals I say I hold up pretty well. Or maybe I'm a jungle of bad decision making mixed in with a foul habit of displacing the blame. Who can say?

Here are a few reasons I often use to convince myself that it wasn't my fault: 

  • The weather is too nice/OOooo pretty snow. *proceeds to frolic without a care. 
  • My friends distracted me by watching all the Youtube videos I was watching. 
  • The internet. 
  • Global warming. 
I made this.

As you can see excuses don't always need to make sense. 

Now here are some legitimate concerns UTSC, from my experience, has when it comes to facilitating studying:

  1. The library -- is a zoo. Low enforcement of noise levels and fear of student reactions keep the policing to a minimum. Up until recently, before the security guard rounds, we had a legitimate problem with students from other unis stealing our space. Cough York cough Ryerson.
  2. The Student Centre -- too noisy, and the quiet spots usually host some couple making out (true story, the Women's Centre posted a sign about it. 
  3. The Science Wing -- after dark it feels like things from 'The Grudge' will appear out of the shadows. 
  4. Tim Hortons -- chocolate danish > textbook.
  5. The Valley Patio - Winter not applicable/summer too pretty. 
  6. Annexing random open classrooms -- that's cool, just don't be in there when a club is having an event and take three years to pack your stuff up.
  7. Comp labs -- my fav except when those chicks who talk REALLY loudly about their eyebrows for 20 minutes and stalk guys on Facebook for longer show up and you are ashamed to be a woman.
  8. The IC -- amazing study rooms with a view. If only they weren't taken 24/7...
  9. Your friend's house on Res -- no explanation required.
  10. Rex's Den - it works for a couple of people I know and their service takes so long you could definitely finish a 30-page reading while you wait.
Here's a fun little anecdote. The reason I am hostile towards the Yorkies is because last year a couple of guys with 'bad boy' swag decided to visit our library. I had a midterm the next day and they very loudly decided to voice their opinions on UTSC, in the library. How do I know they were from York? Eavesdropping isn't hard when you can hear people over your headphones. 

Despite the fact that they couldn't find any 'hot girls to chop' they lowered their standards and proceeded to ask me 'wassup' five times before recognizing that my textbook was my only potential partner.

Totally reminds me of this,

Conclusion? Studying is hard and the universe conspires to turn you against it. I mean sometimes the subject matter is just mind numbingly unnecessary. For example my friend on Facebook:

I think I made my point. I hope I've provided you with enough scapegoats to explain those grades we're about to get this semester. Don't worry though I've stocked up on tissue and got plenty to spare. 
Meanwhile, while we still have hope this is my attitude towards finals,

Stay strong UTSC!

And Happy Holidays since this is my last entry till January :D

<3 Zarish

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

UTSC: Changing Views

If there's anyone who still complains about the aesthetics of UTSC, I'd point them to what it used to look like. Back when it was still Scarborough College the grounds were spartan and depressing, devoid of the greenery and glassy modern buildings that we enjoy today.

Much has changed in forty years. We have five new buildings to complement the old three, and huge extensions on two of them. Coinciding with a growing student population, the campus has changed from a lonely scattering of concrete buildings to a dense city-like complex.

One day while looking at the old photos of UTSC on the wall near the athletic centre, I was inspired to compare old photos with new ones to illustrate these differences.

1974. Courtesy of André Salvador.
The AA courtyard, once sparse and concrete, has been given some life

1960s. Photo from
The original shot was taken further back than this one, but there's an entirely new forest that blocked my way.

Undated. From UTSC Archives

Undated. From UTSC Archives

Undated. From UTSC Archives
The bookstore added a floor, and the exterior of the ARC has been furnished with more greenery and clutter

1974. Courtesy of André Salvador.
There is now a large tree in the way, and the pathway has wandered

Undated. From The First Twenty-Five Years
The second photo couldn't be taken from the original view exactly because the HW building was in my way. Was an extension built? I also suspect that the statue was moved slightly

Undated. From The First Twenty-Five Years
Notice that the modern-day Market Place area used to be just a collection of couches

Undated. From UTSC Archives

1991. Courtesy of The Underground
Yes. The de facto entrance and car loop to UTSC used to be where the AA building is now. The welcome sign has been pushed back much closer to Military Trail.

Undated. From UTSC Archives

From The First Twenty-Five Years

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

That time of year: A very relevant survey

My joy is boundless, the sheer intensity of my euphoria has become a source of irritation to many. You however, are probably not one of them, BECAUSE IT’S THE LAST WEEK OF CLASS!  Freedom prances in front of us, just beyond reach.  Exam time is approaching and thus, we have all begun to you know what.
I’m obviously not about to say ‘study’.

CALCULATE. I meant to say CALCULATE.  Sitting there on a desk or floor somewhere, ignoring your text books in lieu of feverishly calculating current grades, approximate future grades and total course marks. Tis the time of year when many a Scarberian breaks out his/her, her/his (don’t want to piss anyone off now do I? Gender binaries people!) calculator for possibly the first time all semester, to figure out how much Sunday night booze they should’ve laid off. Of course, we all have that iphone/android user friend that points out how great their phone calculator is and they don’t even need an actual one like totally like omg.

Anyway, getting to my point. I have decided that we should all self-reflect Dalai Lama style; figure out how much effort we’ve actually put into school work this semester, it may save us a lot of anger and outrage at our Profs, for not giving us 80s in every course. WE DESERVED IT...or did we? So run off to your cupboards, find something in those Gryffindoor/Dalai Lama colours and behold.

Maha’s completely relevant mini-questionnaire that will jolt you back to life and motivate the    living daylights out of you.

Pick a course.

1       How many course lectures did you attend this semester?
a)      Less than 5
b)      5-7
c)       8-10
d)      All
e)      Most, but I slept through every single one and thus learned little to nothing.

2       How many tutorials/Labs did you attend this semester?
a)      All the ones that are graded
b)      I don’t have tutorials
c)       Most
d)      None, technically. But my BFF signed my name on the attendance sheet and Genius TA didn’t notice
e)      None

3     How many course readings have you done as of now?
a)      All, I go straight to the library after class and do all my readings. Then go volunteer at the soup kitchen
b)      I don’t have readings assigned because my Prof is a freakin Unicorn
c)       Less than half
d)      More than half
e)      Exactly half to the tee.
f)       None, but that’s how I roll. I’ll cram in time
g)      ...Um, none

4    Are you confident that you will pass this course?
a)      Yes, Moron
b)      Yes. If I don’t get an A, I will start a protest
c)       If I get above a 70 on the final
d)      No
e)      Probably not. Not dropping it was a mistake
f)       Probably, *fingers crossed*, or whatever Scientologists do

5  Did you get a decent amount of sleep this semester?
a)      No
b)      I did not
c)       Absolutely Not
d)      Nein
e)      Non
f)       Niet
g)      Na
h)      Nabro

I asked myself these questions. The answers were surprisingly revealing, my work ethic stared right back at me. Try it, you may just feel slightly better about yourself, or drastically worse I suppose. Either way, you’ll get a kick out of wasting some time.

Au revoir UTSC. I hate Rosi.


Monday, November 26, 2012

The lost art

As I sit here in my room on this gloomy Sunday afternoon there isn't much inspiration. I have a great story idea but it won't be possible to write it until next week so I'm just sitting here thinking about what to talk about today. It's been all weekend and there literally hasn't been one good idea that I have written down that I could actually consider using for this blog post.

You know what, I'm going to go for a walk and hopefully that will give me some inspiration...

Well, it was snowing outside and the sun just started to set as I made my way back home. As I walked out of my house with my headphones in my ears I noticed that the streets looked quiet. I decided to take my headphones out of my ears in hopes of being inspired by natural noises and sounds I hear. I overheard a few conversations about the Grey Cup and thought maybe if I finish this blog in time I can check it out and hopefully watch Toronto win something sports-related for once.

Cool people take pictures on their walks.

I also got a chance to reflect on my high school days and remember the passion I once had for spoken word. Although the work-load in University has made it impossible for me to write like I used to, I vividly remember the feeling of accomplishment after writing a piece, the way my friends and I jumped in awe of each other's work, the butterflies I got before performing my poems in front of the spoken word club ... it all came back to me. Then I thought about it and it came to me: I'm going to use my blog post as a match in order to re-light the burning passion I once had for this beautiful art.

So I'm going to post my favourite poem written by me and hopefully it will inspire you guys to do the same. Whatever it was that you stopped doing because of change, I want you to start it again. Even if it's for one day, maybe one day is all you need to get yourself back into it. Positive things only, please.

Confessions of a 17 year old senior

Let me state this now
so there’s no misinterpretation whatsoever
I’m soft
I don’t like to fight
I’m not looking to argue
I’d much rather get along with you then find ways to put you down
or make you subtly feel like I’m better than you
I don’t have a complex of needing to prove myself
I won’t disrespect women just to make me appear to be more manly
that’s not what i'm into
as corny as it sounds
as weak as it may appear
my purpose on this planet is not acquisition of material objects
or sexual conquest with as many partners as I possibly can persuade
it’s not to be this macho gun slingin’ cowboy that
drinks heavy, cusses loudly, and punches people in the mouth when offended
I’m here for three reasons
to follow my dreams
to become the greatest man that i can be
and to spread the message of love
simple as that.

Next week I'll be interviewing a special guest for a very special blog post, stay tuned!

Until next week,

Peace and love. 

Friday, November 23, 2012

What Are YOU Looking Forward to Over the Winter Break?

Hey UTSC, Jakub here. I just realized I’m not writing any exams this term (writing classes FTW), so I was basically staying up all night not doing homework and thinking about what I can do when classes are done and I’m not supposed to be doing homework.

Because the only I could think of is that I’d probably be staying up all night studying programming out of my own volition (or avoiding studying and staying up all night), I decided to ask a few students what their plans were over the holidays.
NOTE: The nightness in the video.

Well, travelling, sleeping, seeing loved ones and studying sounds really nice. I’m looking forward to maintaining my vampire-like complexion, basking in fireplace heat and moonbeams, and hoping that the sun will never rise again. See you next week UTSC!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

So, do you like draw and stuff?

The answer I most often give^
As you all may remember, at some point I ranted about how when I tell people my major is 'studio art' I get asked the most eloquent of questions, "So, do you like draw and stuff?"

The short answer: "Yes."

The long answer: "Well, UTSC does not offer an explicit specialization. You can choose your courses according to your interests and that leads to an approximation of a specialization."

Art Student Owl = WIN
Why am I making this blog all about me? Besides being the centre of the known universe, I am also obligated on behalf of the art community at UTSC to advertise our existence. I would like to announce that next week is EXHIBITION WEEK!

Yes, all those agonizing hours of spilling paint on our pants, inhaling dangerous amounts of fixative spray (which would explain why I see pink bunnies flying a lot), and seeing spots from staring at our screens for too long have accumulated into the project we will be showcasing next week.

Who shall we be spotlighting? Three different classes!

Alexander Irving's VPSD58, Team Blue

Tanya Mars's VPSC56, Team Red

Will Kwan's VPSC69, Team Yellow 

I'll let you guess which course this is for... 

Love the name of the show

What to expect? Well, there is a healthy mixture of sculpture, video, drawings and performance pieces. Rumour has it that there is a 'Red Wall', army recruitment posters and even some animation!

Now that I've told you where to find the work, I suspect you might all be wondering if this is worth your time. Well the fact of the matter is that the following video is an art school reality...

Not to say all art critiques are like that but often it can feel like that. There we have that delightful conundrum of 'how not to mortally offend the artist while bring constructively critical'. I'll be honest, it is hard. Us art students put so much time and effort into these pieces, on top of which many deal with personalized subject matter, that we often become blinded by the emotional baggage we carry into the piece. Not to say all work is good or all work is bad but art is so subjective that sometimes you feel like you're about to poke a rabid bear before you speak...

Now that's I've sufficiently scared the living daylights out of you here is a cute cat picture to console you.

Performance piece which manifests the comical nature of the need to transmit one form of kinetic energy to another in sharp contrast to the docile inertia of domesticated animals.
In all seriousness however I would like to point out that everyone has a right to their own opinion. Even if it is in contradiction to the nature of the work that is just a given with art. People are allowed to derive what they see from work. I personally feel the most successful pieces are a source of controversy which force a viewer to think ... Or they could just be really really pretty. Like this:

Gustav Klimt <3

So come out and support us poor starving potential artists!

And so ends the shameless self promotion..

Always stay beautiful <3


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The young woman on campus

A young woman on campus stands at the door of the Women’s Centre, unsure of whether to go in or not. This young woman, one of many young women at UTSC and not really special in any way, or so she thinks, rocks back and forth from her heel to her toes in the airy hallway of the second floor of the student centre, a strangely quiet hallway—the young woman, a hypothetical young woman but no less real than you or I, is a victim of violence against women.

We can only guess about her life. Perhaps her boyfriend hits her sometimes when she’s being irrational and needy and “womanly” in his words, doesn’t mean it, regrets it later after he’s had some TV time to cool down, swears he doesn’t mean it, but she was being so irrational and clingy and womanly at the time, just a walking stereotype of an over-attached insecure woman, that he couldn’t help himself. This episode happens again and again, and every time it happens the more irrational and needy and insecure she feels, the more crazy and small and helpless she feels. Her friends are worried about her; her parents are worried about her. They sent her here.

This hypothetical young woman, standing outside the women’s centre, the more she thinks about it the deeper her nails dig into her palm in a feeling that’s painful and good.

The young woman on campus is one of many who suffer from violence against women (VAW). Others are victim to emotional, financial, psychological and spiritual abuse, intimate partner violence, child abuse, child sexual abuse, sexual assault, stalking, harassment, and femicide.

The young woman has seen posters around campus against VAW, but she’s never really made the connection between them and her life. She was there at the announcement for Build Act Change, a new campus program to combat violence against women, a program that will help women like her at UTSC.

Build Act Change is a partnership between the campus women’s centre and the Scarborough Women’s Centre. The program aims to stop violence against women through events promoting awareness, and ensuring that women experiencing violence have access to supports and resources. It’s a program that UTSC dean of student affairs Desmond Pouyat and MP Corleniu Chisu speak in support of passionately, and that our government pledged $200,000 towards, and that has dozens of employees and volunteers working tirelessly planning events from December to March.

For example, “What Makes a Man” by Build Act Change was last Wednesday, a conference about the pressures of masculinity that contribute to violence against women.

This program will ensure big changes on campus, for the women frightened by the periodic announcements of violence at UTSC, for women who have to be afraid of date rape and domestic abuse and an all-encompassing societal minimization of their personhood and efforts, and for the men who stand by them.

The hypothetical young woman, jittery to her very core in the cold hallway on the second floor of the student centre, unsure of whether to step forward and change the direction of her life right around, is not alone.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

UTSC has a cold

You trudge through the cold at 10 a.m., climbing your third set of stairs. You’re walking up past some dude who looks like his parka is about to engulf him. He’s wearing a thick woolen hat and two pairs of gloves. Just as you’re about to dismiss his entire existence, you watch his head pull back, arms go up and entire body fall into one spasm. He lets out an enormous sneeze; there is no controlling its path of destruction. Mucus and saliva go flying everywhere, you can see bits of it stick to his gloves, and touch the stairway railing that you were planning to hold just 10 seconds ago. He only really manages to cover half his mouth, but the sheer power of the sneeze leaves a touch of dampness on your neck. His body has been taken completely by surprise as he struggles to find his balance, while simultaneously succumbing to a set of wracking coughs. You don’t get a chance to say, or even think “Bless you”, before he begins to hack like an 88 year old. Time to move far away from his side of the stairway. You may be concerned enough to ask him if he’s okay, but it's November in Canada, and you’re more worried about leaping out of harm’s way.

Then it happens. Two days after your encounter with the sneeze man, you feel it as soon as you wake up -- prickly throat, stuffy nose, the odd pang of an impending ear ache. It’s time to get out of bed, but not before you curse the living hell out of that guy and his virus-infested, germtastic saliva that probably found its way past your pristine immune system. It may also have been the 200 other people in your last lecture, 80 of whom sniffled through the prof’s endless drone. Who knows? Welcome to the changing season. You take a hot shower, or skip showering altogether, and whip up a mug of the hottest substance you can find. It’s going to be a long day, one scattered with everyone's favorite phrases:
“I’m getting sick."
“I feel sick."
“I freaking hate this weather, I’m so sick.”
The evolution of sickness, I call it.

These are the first signs of the approaching holiday season. Every other person looks like Rudolph, red nosed and swollen faced. People clutch to their hot chocolates for dear life; if only Jack had held on to that little piece of floating wood as vehemently, he and Rose might have lived happily ever after and become millionaires. When did Kleenex replace cell phones in every person’s hand? When did Tylenol Cold & Flu become more essential than coffee? Thank you, schizophrenic Ontario weather, you can’t make up your mind about how you want to spend each day, so you decide to creep up on us with random temperatures and leave us all at the edge of sanity. It’s too damn difficult, thinking before taking a sip of someone's iced cap, or sharing forks. Everyone looks like they’ve been attacked by mono, the Health & Wellness Centre is packed with people looking for doctors' notes, and hand sanitizer is going out faster than liquid cocaine.

What do we do? Some rush to get their flu shot. Despite the fact that this is a common occurrence, the flu suddenly becomes an uncontrollable epidemic, and the flu shot is the anchor that will keep you on this side of the storm. We all feel like we’re in Noah’s Ark, GET ON THE BOAT!  GET ON THE BOAT! (Or was it a ship?) Everyone left behind is a horde of zombies, waiting to welcome you into their ranks of mindless beasts. All you want to do is get back into bed and forget about organized education for a while. Maybe even forever, but let’s not get into that. There is no time to ponder the supposed preventative benefits of the flu shot, no time to count how many Strepsils you've sucked on, and how many bowls of chicken noodle soup you've sifted through only to eat the noodles and leave everything else floating in the broth. It’s time to either give in to possible sickness, or fight it and take a day off school or work, before it settles into your body for a few weeks of utter discomfort.
Game of Thrones is so right, prepare for the winter. Stocking up on Tylenol, chicken broth and hot tea is the only way you’ll win the seven kingdoms. That is, before you look into a mirror, and realize the sneezing man was actually you.

The doctor has spoken UTSC.
Stay warm,

Monday, November 19, 2012

You know you're in University when...

So last night I made the big mistake of flipping through the channels at 5 pm which is apparently the perfect time for EVERY single channel to tell their viewers current events happening within their general area and even all over the world. This phenomenon better known as the “evening news” caught my attention because it made me go through a whole range of emotions in just 15 minutes. Most of these emotions were sad or angry and I thought to myself “no wonder everybody’s depressed these days, the news SUCKS.”

That really has nothing to do with my blog; I just wanted to tell you guys how I felt about life.

Anyway, to brighten up all your Monday’s I’m going to do a fun list about how you know when you’re in University. There really is no introduction needed for this so let’s just get right into.

  • Weekends start on a Thursday for you… (Dang art students).

  •   Sleeping before 4 am is a waste of a night.
  • You know the store hours of all the fast food restaurants on or near your campus.
  •  Your breakfast isn’t complete without something with caffeine in it.
  • You tell people all week that you have to study for a test on the Friday just so you can avoid them because we all know you aren't studying until Thursday.
  •   The weight you’ve gained is “all muscle” because you go to the gym once a week.
  • Procrastination is a form of art. Beautiful, wonderful, timeless art.
  •  You know you’re at UTSC when the library is louder than the halls, the marketplace and probably the gym.
  •  You’ll wait 10 minutes for an elevator because the stairs are just too much work.
  • Naps are a necessity. 

Let's keep this thing going, just list as many "you know you're in University when..." statements in the comments section below!

By the way, if there’s something new on campus or anything at all that you want me to write about, just let me know. I’ll be sure to take everything into consideration.

Until next week,

Peace and love.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Drinking At Rex’s Den – A Choose Your Own Adventure Story

Page 1 – Start
You walk into Rex’s Den, you sit down at the Bar, you’re not sure why you’re here but there’s some money in your pocket that you’re willing to burn. A man faces the bar and is very seriously mixing somebody a drink.
After he finishes serving he comes up to you, “Hello, my name is James Barber. I’ll be your Bartender for the evening. Can I get you something to start off with?
“Can I have a Rex’s Burger please? I’m not drinking.” – Proceed to Page 9
”Give me something exotic that’ll get me drunk.”  - Proceed to Page 2
“What have you got on tap?” – Proceed to page 7

Page 2 – Pumpkin Pie Shot
After watching the bartender run around and grab about two dozen bottles, and carefully pour each into this tiny glass from the back of a spoon, you receive a shot glass full of Bailey’s, Kahlua, Goldschlager, with bits of cinnamon sprinkled on top. It is on fire.

“Go ahead and blow the fire out, take a shot of that and tell me how that tastes,” James says.

You blow it out, and pound it back. It’s pretty sweet, the warmth of it burns your throat a little, but that soon subsides while the warmth stays. Cinnamon lingers on your tongue.
“That was good! You got something I can drink for more than 2 seconds though?” Proceed to page 6.
“Woah, I’m not having any more of that! Give me the bill I’m going home.” Proceed to page 15

Page 3 - Caesar Made with Bacon Vodka and Garlic
He’s so proud of his creation. “I just soaked bacon in Vodka, but don’t tell anyone that’s my secret.” James says, pretty loudly.

The caesar arrives. You’re wondering if there’s fat congealing in it from the bacon but it’s really just little specks of garlic. There’s plenty of tabasco sauce, and to be quite honest this tastes like the best salad you’ve ever had, you’ll ever have.

The garlic compliments the clamato juice perfectly, and the bacon adds a smoky, meaty character to the drink you’d never expect from a serving of two booze-soaked vegetables.
Mike adds you on Facebook and you’re officially friends (on the internet) now. It’s getting late however, and you plan on going home and watching TV until you fall asleep. So you pay up and start to get ready. Proceed to page 16.

Page 4 - Angry Rex Poutine
You order the Angry Rex Poutine, and start talking with the guy.
Ohh, he just meant he’s tried all 8 or so beers on tap at the bar here, well except for Sapporo. He’s a regular, like many of the other people here. They come in and unwind when they’re all done their work after a long day.
Your food arrives and boy does it look and smell good. It tastes even better too. You love how the fries get all mushy and covered in all those different sauces at the bottom. You love how the spiciness mixes with the cheese and gravy. You realize however, this is a lot more food than you bargained for. You share some with Mike, but he just ate and doesn’t take too much.
You force yourself to keep on. Proceed to page 3.
Man you’re full. You get out of here. Proceed to page 15.

Page 5 - Irish Car Bomb
You order an Irish car bomb, because for some reason you think it’s impressive and that you’re still the only one that knows about it. Plus you wanna prove to Mike that you can outdrink him, because someone that knows about all the beers in the world has to be a heavy drinker, right?
So, you drop the shot of Bailey’s into the half pint of Guinness and chug it before it curdles. It’s a lot of booze but it’s really smooth.
“Are you alright?" he asks.
Of course you are, you have to be. You ask the bartender for another drink, “something fancy.” He gives you a “Don Draper”. Proceed to page 13.

Page 6 - Happy Green Apple
James puts together two handfuls of liqueur into a mixer, pours it into a glass, and fills it the rest of the way with Somersby cider. It tastes like a Crisp summer limonade slushy.

“This is the best selling drink tonight! It’s my personal favorite too. Somersby Cider itself is our most popular drink on tap.” James says

He leans in close and whispers, “See those people that walked out?”
You look behind you and catch the backs of a few people’s heads leaving

“They were just making out at the bar,” James says.

”They were making out!?” You repeat. The sound of footsteps behind you quickly turns into a run.

”Yeah, you know what they were drinking?” You look down.
“That’s right! Enjoy.”

You start telling the bartender your relationship problems. He is officially your therapist now. Luckily he gives you practical and witty advice. You begin to get braver and begin eyeing a cutie far away. They walk up to the bar and order a drink.

“What did they get?” You ask. Proceed to page 11.

“Oh man, I should just go home now.” Give me the bill please. Proceed to page 15.

Page 7 – Beer
What might be the only drink to ever matter, ever. Ever. Sure it’s kind of pricey here but it’s so dang good, plus they just cleaned the taps (at least that’s what they say). You grab a Hop City, a very bitter, very herby hoppy drink that manages to stay somewhat crisp, and not leave an aftertaste too long in your mouth. You start talking to the guy next to ya, because he’s drinking the same brand.

He says it’s his favourite “after trying them ALL,” he says.

Like, every beer in the world? Can such a man exist? Is he the chosen one?
You shake his hand weakly, “I’m Mike,” He says, with a strong grip.

You chug your beer, because you don’t know what to say to such a master. You order something that isn’t beer.
More booze? – Proceed to page 5
Some food to distract him – Proceed to page 4.

Page 8 - Soda
You grab a bubbly, sugary classic. Take it to the foosball table where somebody is obviously waiting for a challenge.

The rules: No spins.

You keep spinning it anyway but they don’t care that much, they’re wooping you anyway.

You get more and more mad by the fact that you keep losing, you’re offering rematches and trying to place bets that your opponent won’t take. Finally you win one game. You think you’re on a roll and play again. You get beat again 9-0.
Now you’re thinking “Did he let me win? Do I really suck?”

You go to the bar, and pay your bill.  - Proceed to page 17.

Page 9 - Rex Burger
It’s a school night, you don’t want to drink, or you don’t like to drink. Good choice. Your brain, your grades, your wallet and the rest of your organs will spend a lifetime thanking you for that. Besides, why buy all those expensive drinks when for the price of one of them you can get this delicious meal? You’re waiting for your food.

James makes friendly chit chat. (Y/N)
It arrives in a timely manner, and it looks good. The french fries are lightly salted, with a good crisp on the outside that leads to a tender flaky potato on the inside. The garlic mayonnaise in the burger is AMAZING with the beef and vegetables. You don’t even need much ketchup.

“Do you want anything to drink? You can try some of our mocktails as a sweet non-alcoholic drink.,” James suggests. Proceed to page 10

Page 10 – Cinderella
It’s like a strawberry cream flavoured hard candy. Made with an an assortment of juices, and non alcoholic bar fluids (probably magic). This reminds you of being a happy little girl, even if you’ve never been one (though now, maybe you wish you were). A tasty treat to top your meal off.

You’re about to leave but before you do, you spot a foosball table in the corner. You grab a soda with you. Proceed to page 8.

Page 11 - Purple Panty Drop
“That my friend, is the purple panty drop, made with Blue Curacao, Somersby Cider, Raspberry Liqueur. Delicious. This is a new drink. I doubt you’ll ever get it anywhere else,” James says.

“Wow you’re helpful. Can I have one? I wanna be able to get into their head before I approach them. You know?” You say, voice only slightly blurred.
The drink is sweet and sour, like an electric gummy worm covered in those little sour crystals. This person must be really sweet if you get on their good side, you deduce.

You sit alone and slurp and plan your next move. Proceed to Page 12.

Page  12 - Alien Brain Hemorrhage
“Can I get them something to really impress them? Something also sweet, but that can show them I’m like, interesting,” you ask.

“Well I’ve got this one drink you’re gonna love, the Alien Brain Hemorrhage. It’s colourful and weird, like you seem to be. I can mix you up two of them and you can give one to that person your eyein’. What do ya say?” James, your new best friend says.

You agree.
He mixes up these two things.

You bring them over to the cutie, and they refuse because a person is never supposed to accept open drinks from a stranger they’ve never met. Imagine what could happen!

You end up drinking both. Luckily they are sweet. Who ever knew something so alcoholic could taste so good? It’s like they mixed all your Halloween candy in a blender and you had to drink it. But by now you’re pretty obviously drunk and James sees that this is not your night. Politely, he tries to cut you off, for your own sake.
You grab your things and start heading home. Proceed to page 19.
You demand he gives you the fanciest thing he can think of to impress the person. You try to walk in a straight line, touch your nose and so forth to prove you're sober enough. You beg until finally he accepts. Proceed to page 14.

Page 13 - Old Fashioned
Mostly whiskey, with some bitters and fruit at the bottom (cherry, orange). It’s a pretty tough bitter drink, with a sweet touch to it. If you wanna get all hygiene products-sexist about it, an American ad company might say it’s “strong enough for a man, made for a woman," but that’s baloney. It’s a drink made for everybody, even your kids (ok not your kids).

You drink this one too fast too, because you still need to show Mike what you’re worth, he’s still sipping on his first beer and talking to the person next to ya. What a chump. You sure showed him.

Twenty minutes after you’ve arrived, James cuts you off.

You pay up and proceed to try to leave your stool, stumbling a little. Proceed to page 19

Page 14 - Flaming Lamborghini
This happens.
Everyone watches you and hopes you burn yourself (just kidding). The cutie’s already gone though. Besides, by now you’re waaaay too drunk anyway, and they would just be worried more about you puking all over them than anything else.

James is not too impressed either, you pay your bill and proceed to go home. Proceed to page 18

Page 15 - You left early.
You’re buzzed. Pretty disappointed after all. There will be other nights, however, better nights. They might not involve booze though. Maybe you should stop drinking for a bit though? Doesn’t seem like it’s the best thing for ya.

Page 16 - You were really just hungry, weren’t ya?
It’s a struggle to get off the stool. You must have eaten about a thousand calories in less than an hour. You manage though. You get to your bus stop, get on the first one that startles you awake. It’s the wrong bus but you don’t notice. The itis has you now. You fall asleep on the bus, wake up at the Toronto airport, and it’s 4am. Maybe you shouldn't eat and drink so much.

Page 17 – Sober / Foosball Loser
You decide to spend the next four years of your life in University playing foosball. You spend more and more of your OSAP money on “the tables” as you call them, wooing in first year students, making them cry, just so you can be ready for a rematch with “that guy” who you never see again. Did he even go to this school? Did he graduate? Was he just a figment of your imagination?

Page 18 – Spent too much money ending
You got all the flashiest drinks and walked out with  a $150 bill. Your head is spinning, you feel sick. You are broke, and won’t remember anything. The supposed glitz and glamour you coifed will fade away like morning dew just like your grades.You want your mother but you’re afraid of what she’ll do to you. Maybe you shouldn’t drink any more.

Page 19 – That’ll get ya drunk right and quick
They say beer before liquor never been sicker, liquor before beer you’re in the clear. But it’s really just about how much booze you drink and how fast. You messed up. You’ve gotta go have dinner at grandma’s house in an hour and she’s not gonna be impressed with the mess you’ll make on her carpet. Maybe you shouldn’t drink.

Page 20 – You read through this whole story sequentially
You literally ate and drank everything there was here. You end up at the hospital getting your stomach pumped. The doctors call your parents telling them you’re, “literally about to explode and get everyone in the room drunk.” You wake up in the hospital and really gotta use the bathroom, and didn’t know hangovers like this existed.